Not so long ago, it was easier for us to win the lottery than for us to go on a date. At the time, we had three small kids, and by the time we got the kids down, I got myself dressed and did my makeup, Elliot would be so exhausted from work that he would be knocked out, or worse the sitter would cancel!
I remember one time we actually made it to the movies, and we both fell asleep! Those were hard times, and we didn’t feel like it was possible or worth the hassle of planning date nights.
So for a while, we stopped dating each other, and I’m not going to lie our marriage suffered. We argued more, we weren’t as connected, and things just seemed off between us. We had heard from other married couples about the importance of dating each other, but it hits different when you experience yourself. That was about four years ago, and we made a promise that we would never sacrifice our alone time again. Here’s why scheduled date’s with your partner are essential:
Better and Deeper Connection :
Remember, when you first started dating, you wanted to be around each all the time. You could finish each other’s sentences and even the things that you didn’t like about each other you still liked! You were connected like a cord in an outlet!
But as time goes on, you get distracted by paying the bills, figuring out who is going to clean the kitchen and work drama. And those distractions affect your ability to connect with your partner.
When you are alone with your partner, you can focus on each other. You can communicate better, and you can connect and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
Don’t forget your relationship is supposed to be fun! You got together because you enjoyed each other’s company. Sometimes there is so much going on around you, that it’s easy to forget that.
Between work, taking care of kids, and the house, things can become very routine. You have to get out and have fun together, or your relationship can go from copartners to coworkers real quick.
Now that you know why it’s necessary to date your spouse or partner. I am going to share a few ways to overcome some of the obstacles that may get in the way.
HOW TO DATE YOUR SPOUSE
The main complaints that I have heard from friends over the years are they don’t have time, they don’t have a sitter, or they don’t have extra money. I promise ya’ll I have been in each of these situations before too. Here are a few things you can do to still get that alone time with your bae.
You have to make time! Commit and stick to it. Now, this can work however you need it to. It can be scheduled on the same day every week, or if your schedule changes week to week, find a day and time that work for both of you. If every week is too hard at first, start off with monthly dates.
Whatever you and your partner agree to just do it.
Put it on your calendar like you would any other commitment and treat it like it is important because it is. Tell your job you can’t work late or your friend that you cant talk tonight because you have plans.
Childcare is and was always one of our biggest struggles. But through the year’s we have learned to get creative and make it happen.
1. Sitter Swapping
Get a trusted family member or friend who also has kids and ask them if they will watch your kids for the evening, and in return, you will do the same for them in the future.
2 Sitter Sharing
If you don’t know a trusted sitter or if the price for hiring someone is too expensive. See if you can share a sitter with a friend. Often sitters will offer a discount if they are watching multiple children at once.
3 Organizations & Memberships
Sometimes you have to get creative. When our kids were preschool age, we had a membership at the YMCA that provided childcare for two hours while you work out. So when all else failed, we would pack ourselves a lunch take the kids to the Y childcare. Then we would go swimming together or sit and talk and eat lunch.
Another Childcare option that we have used before is Local Churches. Our Church a few times a year host’s a Parents Night. Where for a flat fee per family (our Church charged $20), you can drop your kids off around six, and the Church will feed your kids dinner and babysit until about ten. The great thing about this is that if you are members of the Church you will likely already know who is watching your children, which always makes more secure.
Keep it affordable. You may not be able to go to a five-star dinner, but you can still have fun! Instead of going out for dinner, go during a happy hour with appetizers and dessert.
Instead of going to the movies on Saturday night, go on Sunday in the afternoon and get the matinee price. Check Groupon and find a deal and plan a date around that.
Romance does not have to be expensive. Picnic dinners and long walks in the park can get it too!
Being intentional and having fun with your spouse isn’t about how much you spend and where you go. It is about bonding with your boo and creating new memories. It’s about getting back to why you got together in the first place. All you need to make date night work is two people who are willing to be flexible, creative, and have fun.
How often do you and your spouse or partner go on dates? What do you do, and how do you get around the struggles of the time, childcare, and money? Please leave me a comment and let me know.