4 LESSONS THAT I LEARNED IN MARRIAGE
I want to share a little bit about the real side of marriage, not the romanticized, bouquet of roses, “baecations”, and Matching outfits that you see on Instagram.
Now don’t get me wrong ya’ll know I love ALL that stuff, but I wouldn’t be keeping it real if I didn’t share a few lessons that I learned the past eight years of marriage.
Let me start by saying Marriage is HARD WORK! In our first years of marriage, we struggled because we didn’t know HOW to be married. I grew up in a single-family home, and my husband’s parents did not have a marriage that we would want to model.
We got tidbits from church and family like “Keep God First” & “Don’t go to bed angry” That advice is good and all but we needed to know HOW to do those things!
It took a lot of hard work+patience+God to get us to eight years of a happy and healthy marriage, and these are some of the things that we have learned along the way:
WE BOTH WANT TO BE MARRIED
This may seem basic, but the first step in having a happy and healthy marriage is two people that want to be married. Marriage is choosing to love the same person every day, even when you don’t feel like it. If you are both dedicated to choosing each other, then you will find a way to work through any problem, big or small.
FIGHT YOUR PROBLEMS NOT EACH OTHER
Early on, when we had a problem, we would argue and blame each other, then we realized that instead of attacking each other, we should be attacking the problem. It is us against the problem, NOT us against each other!
First of all, Life is too short to waste time on regrets. Life is also TOO long to be miserable. So, we decided a long time ago that if we were going to be together forever, we would make it FUN. We date each other just like we did before marriage; we spend intentional time together every day, we are silly we dance, sing, wrestle and play games. One of our family’s goals is to keep our home and marriage as positive and upbeat as possible- and this is how we do that.
This is a BIG one! We all have experienced trauma of some kind. Or you may not have come from a family that healthily handled conflict. If your Mom and Dad were poor communicators, that shapes the way you communicate.
All of these things play a part in how you interact with your spouse. So if you want to have a happy and healthy marriage, you have to face your past hurt. Remember, healthy people, create healthy marriages.
We are incredibly proud of the work that we have done and the growth that we have made!
It all started with us giving each other grace and dropping preconceived notions of what marriage is “suppose to be” and creating what we wanted it to be together.
What is one piece of advice that you would share with a newlywed?